Chocolate, Art and Life (Who Am I?)

Traditionally when you start up a blog, introductions are in order. Back in the day, I was a 20-something, then a 30-something blogger, and now I’m 44. I’m over the “something” part, I’m 44. I feel like “something” added some sort of hidden dread of getting older. As if that would somehow stave it all off, with the magical something-spray! Minus what physically happens to us, what is so awful about being the age we really are and telling people?

So there I am, me. 44. I’m married 23 years and counting, to the best guy ever (it’s hard to find someone who will truly put up with you – but he does!) I have two children, who aren’t kids anymore. My daughter is going to be 21 in a few months, living on her own and working. My son is 18 and graduating high school this summer. If we’re really lucky and things go well, my son will go off to college and I’ll get to try on the hat of “Empty Nester”.

At which point, I will throw a party by myself and run around my house naked. I’ll eat standing in front of the fridge, and dance on the couches blasting MY music. Because I CAN!

I’ll probably throw my back out doing it, but it’s going to happen, people. I have goals.

I’m an artist. Not a hobbyist, but an actual professional artist. Although, some days it feels like I’m not anything at all. I have an art degree, but I also have a business degree. Owning your own business is hard, but I would still paint even if no one ever bought anything. I’m driven to do this, and I know I am lucky to have something I am driven to do that I can make my career. Fortunately, I haven’t wanted to cut off my ear and store a bazillion paintings in the attic, so bonus!

That’s life, and art, so in order to segue into chocolate, allow me to share a recent little 4×6 inch painting I did around Valentine’s Day:

I thought that painting chocolate would be a nice way to stay on my diet. I mean, it’s calorie-free! It totally backfired on me.

Not only did I end up eating about three pounds of strawberries over the following weeks, but I also got ahold of the clearance Valentine’s Day candy. Granted, it was to take photo-references for future paintings, but let’s just say that I think throwing out that chocolate afterward would have been a tragedy of epic proportions. What kind of monster would do that? Not this monster, that’s certain!

Which leads me to the health part of who I am, and it is a decent sized part as well. You see, I would call myself a “former fat girl” but I actually don’t like that phrasing. It’s mean, even if I can’t quite put my finger on it. I think it just comes down to the point that whether I was obese or at goal weight, I was always me. Why am I any less valuable, or labeled differently for who I am based on my outward appearance? It’s a hot-button of mine.

Long weight-story short? I always struggled with my weight. I got married at an “ok” weight. I became obese before I ever had kids. After I had kids, I worked hard to figure it out (one of my blogs was even named that.) I even went so far as to get certified as a personal trainer – not because I wanted to train anyone, but because I wanted the knowledge. I got down and maintained a good goal weight for a long time, but you know what knowledge doesn’t do? Solve everything. So, now I am currently struggling with my weight, and have been for a long stretch again. Weight, although it’s so simple for people to point out, is infinitely more complex than people want to admit.

I’m a country-girl, as in a hermit who wants to live as far off from people as possible (and I do, on about 100 acres!) I’m actually introverted and shy, and I have some social anxiety. I like people, a great deal actually, but I haven’t had the best experiences with them – and that’s been consistent my whole life. However, I have also managed to meet some amazing people as well. I have struggles I won’t be able to share, but the ones I can, I will.

And that’s probably more than enough to get rolling. This is me, in my rainbow painted, cracked, aging nutshell off in the woods of Vermont! Now, on to more interesting posts going forward!